Marriage, death, blah.
Ooh it’s been a difficult few weeks what with wassisname and thingumajig getting hitched I feel my spiritual powers being sapped. Yeah yeah she’s a nice girl. Kind of what you would get if you took all the home-counties totty, boiled them down into a paste and poured it into a Cheryl Cole shaped mould. I watched the wedding and I still don’t think I would recognise her if she walked into my consulting room needing advice on how to deal with Will getting all clingy. I watched it because I need to gen up on the great British public as Grayson has managed to snag a top gig at their museum. As far as I can work out a fair proportion of them love the Royal family despite the ‘logical’ arguments of the republicans. Not many left wing functionalists seem to grasp that yer typical human is not a rational being. They seem to think that if you put in place policies that make the most people a bit better off then hearts will be won. Dreeeemer! What the great un-brainwashed want are wishes, hopes and dreams, tender desires for a miracle of a perfect life. They do not want boring old equality.
On the subject of miracles, whilst I’ve been away in south Asia doing a bit of tricky business I caught the beatification of the old Pope on Al Jazeera. Now, call me a cynic, but I was not convinced by the official qualifying miracle. I wish the woman who had Parkinson’s disease well and all that but as a god my standards for miraculous behaviour seem to be a bit stricter. Grayson’s always getting a bit trembly but it ain’t writing my name that cures it, if you get my drift, (mimes glugging on bottle). Personally I don’t go in for all that magick it all seems a bit goth. But them as someone said earlier yer basic human is not a rational beast.
Gray has also been away a lot lately preparing the exhibition at the British Museum. It has been a bit of a shock to his system as he is used to the ways of the beauty industry or ‘the art world’ as he insists on calling it. The museum of course has other concerns like education, tourism and cultural diplomacy that tend to take precedence over Gray’s precious ‘aesthetic refinement…mew,mew’ I’ve talked him round and he is willing to go through the indignities foisted upon him by the marketing and merchandising folk in order to further the higher cause of his god and soon to be your god no doubt, Alan Measles.
More has come to light about this mysterious ‘Tomb of the Unknown Craftsman’. Gray says a friend of his came upon it. This ‘friend’ was visiting family in darkest East Anglia and to relieve the boredom he went for a walk. He was drawn to a ruined priory that stands in a sheep field nearby. As he returned from looking at the fairly unremarkable ruins he passed through a farmyard and noticed that the chicken shed was actually an old corrugated iron chapel built to replace the earlier church. He poked his nose in and amongst the abandoned farm machinery, cobwebs and chicken shit he sensed ‘the distinct presence of art’, poncy fool. Anyway turns out to be a real find, Gray has never seen anything like it, and give the lad his due he knows his art. Gray is supervising its restoration in a workshop out near Norwich. He says it will be ‘the star of the show’. He quickly realised what he had said and promised that my image would dominate the gift shop attached to the exhibition.
I could go on
AM
